what's the deal with bob costas?

have you ever really watched this guy? i mean really really watched this guy?

i'm pretty overwhelmed with the subject matter. where do i even begin? i wanted to set up some bob costas context (or bob costext?), but that would mean i would have to do a little work looking for costas quotes and costas clips. so fuck that. i'm getting (relatively) straight to the point.

here's what bob said on football night in america:

"now to the absurdly hyped return of t.o. to philadelphia. the return wasn't as warm and fresh as a philly cheese-steak right out of the oven, but the game was darn good."

i've been trying to unpack this statement since last night. looking at the first sentence, the awkwardness comes from the double qualification of absurdly and hyped. granted that t.o.'s return to philadelphia was hyped to levels bordering on absurdity, but bob costas and his show are as guilty of this over-hype as anyone. maybe he means absurd in an existential sense. maybe not. maybe he's taking a jab at his own show and sports coverage in general. but that doesn't seem like bob costas. he's an asshole. and assholes have a difficult time making fun of themselves.

as weird as the first sentence was, the second is weirder. bob said it with this kind of smirk on his face; like he was about to bust up laughing before he finished the joke. here's how i imagine the pre-show meeting went:

bob costas: i wrote this line about t.o.'s return.

co-workers: what is it?

bob: the return wasn't as warm and fresh as a philly cheese-steak

co-workers: that's not funny

bob: yes it is. philly cheese-steaks are the identity of philadelphia

co-workers: no there not and that joke makes no sense. don't use it.

but bob believed in the joke so much he used it without permission. but he's bob fucking costas; no one tells him what to do.

i think i figured out the problem with his joke, besides it not being interesting. warm and fresh are both ambiguous words so it's supposed to be a play on words. the philly cheese-steak refers to physical characteristics of the sandwich having to do with heat and how old the bread is. warm and fresh do have other meanings--how a movie makes you feel warm, which is different from a space-heater, or how fresh used to be used in hip hop. however, the return of t.o. can neither be warm or fresh in any sense of the words. so the joke doesn't make any sense. and bob costas is still an (fat and ugly and stupid) idiot.